Ruminating Transplant

I wait. I reflect on my destiny and if it will include a Matched Unrelated Donor (MUD) Stem Cell Transplant. I ponder if there is another human being on this earth who is more like me than any family member. I formulate lists of questions for the transplant coordinator. I wait on those responses. I research statistics on transplant outcome results. Terms like morbidity (a diseased state) and mortality (failure; death) run rampant through the transplant literature and wrap themselves around my heart in a suffocating swipe.

My mind meanders through that moment of backing out of our driveway, on the way to the transplant. I choke up as my daydreaming psyche imagines looking back at my family and home, not knowing if I will ever see either again. As I mentally journey through these scenarios, I always wonder if, at that point, I would give in and drive back up to our garage, abandoning the transplant after going through so much preparation and planning.

Daily, I contemplate the individuals who might be called in the next few months and told that it has been determined that they are a perfect match for a 45 year old leukemia patient needing a transplant. Many people probably join the National Donor Marrow Registry on a whim, never truly believing that a person’s life would rest in their resolve to complete the donor process. Can you fathom receiving that telephone call today? If you are a mother or father with children, would you be willing to take this giant step for a stranger?

I ponder why more matched unrelated donors are not located for dying patients. I ask myself why generous people, willing to be tested and entered into the National Marrow Donor Registry, must pay a fee to be recruited. If this opportunity to give the ultimate gift of life was free, would there be more perfectly matched donors for me and others dying of cancer? The National Donor Marrow Registry website states:

“On average, the cost for tissue typing is $52. You may be asked to pay all or part of this tax-deductible cost when you join. Sponsors sometimes provide funds to offset the cost of typing. The total cost to add a new member to the registry is about $100.“

I wait. I am confused and confounded about the life and death decision that awaits me. One month since the donor search was initiated will slip by on Monday. Scientists will scrutinize my cells. Donor registry search engines will delve through volumes of genetic information on virtual strangers. Will bells and whistles sound and alert someone that there is another genetic me – somewhere in this world? Or will it be determined that I am truly one of a kind?

Waiting is difficult and draining. Psalm 27:14 instructs us:"Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!" Strengthen my heart, Lord, as I wait.


(Note: For those of you who might be wondering what ruminating a transplant means - to ruminate – means to think carefully and at length about something (Encarta Dictionary).