Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Ibrutinib (Imbruvica): The "Magic Bullet"

These are photographs I have taken of the "magic bullet" pill Ibrutinib that I will be using as my next cancer treatment. It is classified as a small molecule inhibitor or specifically as a Bruton's Tyrosine Kinase (BTK) Inhibitor. This treatment is a different approach from traditional chemotherapy that I have taken on several occasions in the past.

Update and Request for Prayer: February 7, 2015

Dear Family and Friends:
The last year has been a challenging one - many infections, a broken foot and torn meniscus in my knee, and worsening of the leukemia. I also developed ITP (autoimmune destruction of my platelets) and we learned I have diastolic dysfunction of my heart, probably from years of infection, chemotherapy, radiation and IV medications.  However, I continue to fight and trust in the One who has brought me this far!
I was told in late 2014 that it was estimated that I probably only have a year to live if I do not do some sort of treatment. The decision to proceed to treat was a difficult one because of being told it will "be a challenge for me to survive further treatment", I am stepping out in faith and have agreed to begin a new treatment on Monday (if the medication arrives here from Tennessee). I am traveling back and forth to Nashville, Tennessee to see a leukemia specialist, Dr Ian Flinn, who specializes in the type of leukemia/lymphoma that I have. He authors many of the medical journal articles on this type of leukemia and has graciously agreed to coordinate my care with my two wonderful, local physicians, Dr Stienstra and Dr Reddy, both whom have cared for me for most of my 18 year battle with leukemia/lymphoma. This treatment is a very new drug, only FDA approved in 2014, so Dr Flinn's experience with it will be appreciated by my local doctors and me.
These words in Romans 4 have been especially encouraging to me as I sort through the medical "facts" presented to me. They pertain to God promising Abraham and Sarah an heir despite their very aged bodies. And as my broken body proves more and more challenging to keep alive, I return to these verses in Scripture, over and over:
"AND NOT BEING WEAK IN FAITH, HE DID NOT CONSIDER HIS OWN BODY, ALREADY DEAD (SINCE HE WAS ABOUT A HUNDRED YEARS OLD) AND THE DEADNESS OF
SARAH'S WOMB. HE DID NOT WAVER AT THE PROMISES OF GOD THROUGH UNBELIEF, BUT WAS STRENGTHENED IN FAITH, GIVING GLORY TO GOD, AND BEING FULLY CONVINCED THAT WHAT HE HAD PROMISED HE WAS ALSO ABLE TO PERFORM."        
From these Scriptures, I gather that:
I must remain strong in my faith, not side-tracked by obvious facts, bad reports, fear or doubt
I cannot "consider" or look at my body and all that is wrong within it
I cannot waver at God's Promises - I must remain steadfast, unshaken and bold
Unbelief cannot be allowed to enter my mind or spirit
My faith must be strengthened daily through prayer, study of His Word, listening to His Word being taught
My praises belong to Him
I must remain convinced that He is going to take care of me
   
We value and ask for your continued prayers for me. Keep looking UP!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

It's Been A Month Since I Blogged?

I realized today that it has been a month since my May 23rd update. The days just fly by and it becomes more and more of a challenge to carve out time for writing. Thank you for your continued prayers, e-mails of concern and encouragement. I will provide an update in reverse chronological order.

We learned yesterday that May's positive fungal culture from my lungs was identified as Penicillium. The sensitivities showed that it is most responsive to the Posaconazole (antifungal that I take daily). Perplexing. It appears although the fungus is present in my lungs that the Posaconazole might be keeping it from going into a full-blown dangerous infection in my lungs. The second best drug choice for this Penicillium fungi is IV Micafungin that I take often, so depending upon what last week's culture reveals, IV antifungals loom. Yuck.

I saw my doctor yesterday because she leaves on vacation tomorrow. We are both concerned because several new problems exist and without the commander-in-chief of my medical team, I am lost. Currently, we are addressing:

-Penicillium fungi identified from lungs and worsening of cough
-Platelets further declined - I now have bleeding gums and bruises from head to toe. My doctors have suspected ITP (autoimmune destruction of my platelets) for over a month now, since my platelets are low but my hemoglobin is normal. Giant platelets were found on yesterday's blood sample, yet another sign pointing to the possibility of ITP. We need to resolve this dilemma.
-Neutropenic for the first time since January
-All of the biopsy stitches were removed yesterday and one site on my back is infected - oral and topical prescription antibiotics are prescribed for that. Earlier in the month, I had three suspicious skin lesions biopsied by my dermatologist. Skin cancer remains a very high risk in leukemia patients such as myself. I praise God that all three sites were benign.
-Continued pain/complications from the fall (more details below). The foot drop (from nerve damage in right leg/foot) is worsening and my right foot "locks" in a toes pointed down position. It is very painful to try to "unlock" the position. I had physical therapy today so I am sore from that.
-I had my most difficult IVIG treatment this week. With the Gammunex brand, I usually do not have many side effects. This week, I was nauseated and had a bad headache the entire eight hours it infused. In the middle of the infusion, the nurse noticed that the "op-site" (clear plastic covering they stick over the iv site) was causing a reaction on my skin - it was blood red and remains very red, so my doctor said to apply prescription steroid cream to that site.

On June 2, I fell down a flight of ceramic tiled steps. I was carrying items in both hands, so I couldn't break the fall and I ended the tumble by hitting my head into the door at the bottom of the stairs. Needless to say, I have been in alot of pain since then and have had to begin physical therapy. With low low platelets, I have been covered from bruises from the fall and the biopsies. I sprained my right wrist and left ankle and messed up my left knee. My doctor told me that I need to use a cane to prevent further falls, but I must admit, my pride is standing in the way of that. We went by the medical supply store to buy a cane  and I developed "cane rebellion" and would not go in - maybe another day. Lil Man takes every bat, stick and I imagine canes and beats on things like Bam Bam of Flintstone fame, so the cane might not work with him.

You might recall that I am claustrophobic when it comes to MRI's. After the fall, the doctor ordered an MRI. The tech put me into the MRI machine and I felt that moment of panic. I asked if she could remove the headphones she had put on me as they made me feel more restricted. She informed me that they had to remain on because of the noise of the MRI. I repositioned my arms and was beginning to wonder if I could stay in the machine for an hour when my new favorite song came on in the headphones. The MRI technician knows to put on my favorite Christian music station and "Blessings" began to play. I know for certain, that the Holy Spirit orchestrated that moment for me, to bring peace to my troubled soul. I immediately calmed and almost fell asleep at one point during the MRI.

The lyrics to "Blessings" by Larua Story:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

The MRI report revealed that the fall worsened the four herniated discs that were present prior to the fall; a fifth disc was ruptured by the fall and torn and is the villain responsible for the worsening of the numbness in my leg, loss of strength and increased pain. Normally, my doctor said she would begin with steroid injections into these discs, however, I consulted with a pain management doctor last year and he said I was not a "good candidate" for these procedures, so that door is closed. My doctor arranged for me to begin some physical therapy and other interventions as we sort through other possibilities. The x-rays of my foot revealed no broken bones, however I have injured a ligament in the bottom of my foot and I have plantar fascitis.

I had another infection in my eye since the last update and two skin infections (fungal and bacterial). And a bout with an adrenal crisis caused by a new medication wrap up this month in review.

I remain hopeful and my peace and joy are found in Him, thankfully, and are not based upon the circumstances of this world. I have learned to be content no matter my circumstance (as Paul recommended to us). My oncologist told me, "I have never had a patient who battled cancer for 15 straight years and who never took an anti-depressant or a pain medication like you." He is a Hindu and often asks me about my Source of strength and hope. All glory be to God. He is my source of comfort and encouragement each day. And I know He loves each of you every bit as much as He loves me, so rejoice in that in the midst of your sufferings.

Monday, May 23, 2011

It is About Time for An Update!

I have been a slacker. And a hefty case of writer's block has continued. However, today I am at the cancer center receiving my treatment and this morning's IV steroids have lifted the brain fog and my writer's block was cured as well. I have been blogging away this morning to pass the hours and vowed that I would have an update posted before the end of the IV late today.

Worthy of celebrating and offering a praise to our Heavenly Father, is the fact that I have now not required IV antibiotics or antifungals for infections since mid-January - four months! This is a miraculous improvement for me. I have experienced continued infections but infections that have resolved with oral antibiotics. Not being attached to IVs for weeks at a time each month has improved my quality of life. Pray and believe with me that this record will continue to be broken! I spent much of last summer in ICU or at the cancer center, so I am believing that this summer I will be slammer-free and might even manage a vacation or two.

Last month we made the trip to Ohio State to consult with the leukemia specialist. It was a discouraging trip for us and I have decided against further trips. Research is vital to uncovering cures for diseases such as leukemia. However, it has been my personal experience that when consulting with the larger research centers such as OSU, that sometimes the focus is so strongly placed on clinical trial recruitment, that patient care suffers. Unfortunately, for late stage cancer patients such as myself, we do not even qualify for many of the trials. Recruitment eligibility criteria is stringent and usually my low counts, excessive infection history or history of drug reactions, excludes me from joining a clinical trial. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to know that a patient with my history is not someone that researchers are eagerly lining up to recruit. So we returned, at first, a bit discouraged, knowing that there are really no treatment options remaining there for me. Yet, it didn't take long, for the Holy Spirit to remind me, that I am trusting God to direct my paths and if I have been diverted from that pathway, it is in my best interest.

I developed a case of cellulitis (skin/tissue infection) on my face and an eye infection last month. I was desensitized to Clindamycin, which I have taken and tolerated in the past. Since I do nothing by the book, I broke out in a drug reaction rash all over my body on the third day of taking the Clindamycin. About the same time, I developed some lumps on my legs - being speckled from the rash and with egg shaped lumps, one fellow leukemia patient, diagnosed it as a good case of Easter-a-titis, since all of this transpired the week before Easter. The rash has cleared but the leg lump on my lower left leg is still present. My doctor suspects erythema nodosum. If it enlarges or does not improve, my Infectious Disease doctor said I will have to have it surgically removed for pathology.

My platelets continue to remain low and believe me, I have the bruises to prove it. Lil Man kisses those boo-boos and he is convinced they are then "all better"! What is puzzling to us, is the fact that my hemoglobin is doing well. Normally, as the bone marrow fills with leukemia cells and the marrow function is suppressed, the hemoglobin declines and then the platelets. I located a research paper that suggested in leukemia patients with normal hemoglobin but low platelets, that they be checked for H.pylori. H.pylori is a bacteria found in the gut that often is attributed to ulcer formation. A blood test was ordered and lo and behold, it returned positive for H.pylori - was this the cause of my low platelets? The puzzling piece of this information is that the test is an Ig antibody test. It can reflect that I have H.pylori OR it can be a false positive attributed to the IgG I receive in each month's treatment from 3000  blood donors. If one of these donors was H.pylori positive, that might be why my blood test returned positive. Additional testing will be ordered to make this determination.

PCP is the dangerous pneumonia that can develop in immune compromised patients with low CD 4 counts. My CD 4 count is 159 today which is very concerning (below 200 increases the risk of PCP). My last PCP PCR antigen test had "indeterminate" results. My Infectious Disease doctor said that result might indicate early stage PCP has developed, so we are carefully watching for any worsening of breathing and respiratory symptoms. I also had a positive fungal culture return on lung sputum. We are watching and waiting to determine if the symptoms warrant the introduction of IV antifungals (the drug I have to take 7 days a week for 6 weeks). Please pray specifically for my lungs - a great majority of leukemia patients are killed by respiratory infections - and both fungal lung infections and PCP can be killers. I am trusting the Holy Spirit to prompt my spirit, if I need to more aggressively respond to these two test results.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. I am blessed.

Signs of the Times: Matthew 24 (The Message)

1-2 Jesus then left the Temple. As he walked away, his disciples pointed out how very impressive the Temple architecture was. Jesus said, "You're not impressed by all this sheer size, are you? The truth of the matter is that there's not a stone in that building that is not going to end up in a pile of rubble."

3 Later as he was sitting on Mount Olives, his disciples approached and asked him, "Tell us, when are these things going to happen? What will be the sign of your coming, that the time's up?"

4-8 Jesus said, "Watch out for doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities, claiming, 'I am Christ, the Messiah.' They will deceive a lot of people. When reports come in of wars and rumored wars, keep your head and don't panic. This is routine history; this is no sign of the end. Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Famines and earthquakes will occur in various places. This is nothing compared to what is coming.

9-10 "They are going to throw you to the wolves and kill you, everyone hating you because you carry my name. And then, going from bad to worse, it will be dog-eat-dog, everyone at each other's throat, everyone hating each other.

11-12 "In the confusion, lying preachers will come forward and deceive a lot of people. For many others, the overwhelming spread of evil will do them in—nothing left of their love but a mound of ashes.

13-14 "Staying with it—that's what God requires. Stay with it to the end. You won't be sorry, and you'll be saved. All during this time, the good news—the Message of the kingdom—will be preached all over the world, a witness staked out in every country. And then the end will come.

The Monster of Desecration

15-20 "But be ready to run for it when you see the monster of desecration set up in the Temple sanctuary. The prophet Daniel described this. If you've read Daniel, you'll know what I'm talking about. If you're living in Judea at the time, run for the hills; if you're working in the yard, don't return to the house to get anything; if you're out in the field, don't go back and get your coat. Pregnant and nursing mothers will have it especially hard. Hope and pray this won't happen during the winter or on a Sabbath.

21-22 "This is going to be trouble on a scale beyond what the world has ever seen, or will see again. If these days of trouble were left to run their course, nobody would make it. But on account of God's chosen people, the trouble will be cut short.

The Arrival of the Son of Man

23-25 "If anyone tries to flag you down, calling out, 'Here's the Messiah!' or points, 'There he is!' don't fall for it. Fake Messiahs and lying preachers are going to pop up everywhere. Their impressive credentials and dazzling performances will pull the wool over the eyes of even those who ought to know better. But I've given you fair warning.

26-28 "So if they say, 'Run to the country and see him arrive!' or, 'Quick, get downtown, see him come!' don't give them the time of day. The Arrival of the Son of Man isn't something you go to see. He comes like swift lightning to you! Whenever you see crowds gathering, think of carrion vultures circling, moving in, hovering over a rotting carcass. You can be quite sure that it's not the living Son of Man pulling in those crowds.

29 "Following those hard times,

Sun will fade out,
moon cloud over,
Stars fall out of the sky,
cosmic powers tremble.

30-31 "Then, the Arrival of the Son of Man! It will fill the skies—no one will miss it. Unready people all over the world, outsiders to the splendor and power, will raise a huge lament as they watch the Son of Man blazing out of heaven. At that same moment, he'll dispatch his angels with a trumpet-blast summons, pulling in God's chosen from the four winds, from pole to pole.

32-35 "Take a lesson from the fig tree. From the moment you notice its buds form, the merest hint of green, you know summer's just around the corner. So it is with you: When you see all these things, you'll know he's at the door. Don't take this lightly. I'm not just saying this for some future generation, but for all of you. This age continues until all these things take place. Sky and earth will wear out; my words won't wear out.

36 "But the exact day and hour? No one knows that, not even heaven's angels, not even the Son. Only the Father knows.

37-39"The Arrival of the Son of Man will take place in times like Noah's. Before the great flood everyone was carrying on as usual, having a good time right up to the day Noah boarded the ark. They knew nothing—until the flood hit and swept everything away.

39-44 "The Son of Man's Arrival will be like that: Two men will be working in the field—one will be taken, one left behind; two women will be grinding at the mill—one will be taken, one left behind. So stay awake, alert. You have no idea what day your Master will show up. But you do know this: You know that if the homeowner had known what time of night the burglar would arrive, he would have been there with his dogs to prevent the break-in. Be vigilant just like that. You have no idea when the Son of Man is going to show up.

45-47 "Who here qualifies for the job of overseeing the kitchen? A person the Master can depend on to feed the workers on time each day. Someone the Master can drop in on unannounced and always find him doing his job. A God-blessed man or woman, I tell you. It won't be long before the Master will put this person in charge of the whole operation.

48-51"But if that person only looks out for himself, and the minute the Master is away does what he pleases—abusing the help and throwing drunken parties for his friends—the Master is going to show up when he least expects it and make hash of him. He'll end up in the dump with the hypocrites, out in the cold shivering, teeth chattering."

(Emphasis mine.)

Glorious Day

Much ado has been made by the media about a man's prediction that Christ would return on Saturday. Several people asked me what I thought about the prediction. I scoffed at the thought that anyone who claims to have read the Bible would even begin to state that he or she knows the exact date of Christ's return (the Rapture). Mark 13:32 explains precisely: “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." This verse instructs us that not even Jesus, the Son of God, knows the timing of Christ's return - only the Father possesses this information. So the next time you read or hear of someone alerting you about Christ's return, utilize discernment.

I believe there are signs all around us that His return is nearing. There is no doubt, that good can even emerge from this man's erroneous predictions. Recently, many people have paused to reflect on their hearts' conditions since the possibility existed for Christ to return for His children. And that is a positive outcome from his predictions. Everyday, we need to pause to confess our sins and be certain that our hearts are right in the event that Christ should return.

As these Casting Crown lyrics states: "One day He's coming, oh glorious day!"

To listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7fOhnHqtD0

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises

One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now is ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One bringing
My Savior Jesus is mine

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

Triathlon Trek

This weekend our daughter Marissa crossed the finish line at her first triathlon. A triathlon is a daunting task for anyone but as a Type 1 diabetic, it was an achievement of a lifetime for Marissa. As a health care provider, she is well aware of the potential for complications in Type 1 diabetics, so she exercises and trains all the time and her good health is a testament to God's faithfulness to her and her commitment to take care of her body. The swim was 800 meters, she then rode 25 miles on her bike and ran 5 miles.

Her husband, one of our other daughters and her husband, and my husband and me were her Encouragement Team. Once she pedaled off on her bike, we jumped in our car and traveled back roads so that we could be waiting around her half-way point to encourage her on. We had signs in tows and binoculars for scouting her arrival from afar.

These are some photos from the Triathlon. Congratulations, Maris!


Your Great Name

As Christians, we are aware that we should pray "in Jesus' Name". At times, it might almost become habit that we conclude our prayers with "In Jesus' Name we pray". Natalie Grant's song "Your Great Name" has reminded me of the enormity of the power of the Name of Jesus. It is not something to be taken lightly. Jesus' Name brings salvation, healing, freedom, deliverance, and hope, among many other results of the power of uttering and believing in His Name. The line of lyrics that empower me is, "The enemy, he has to leave, at the sound of Your great name." When life's challenges attempt to rob our hope and peace, via the wiles of the enemy, we need to recall these lyrics and cry out in the Name of Jesus against those attacks of the accuser. Be blessed and listen to this song today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXH0MjGe10s .


Lost are saved; find their way; at the sound of Your great name
All condemned; feel no shame, at the sound of Your great name
Every fear; has no place; at the sound of Your great name
The enemy; he has to leave; at the sound of Your great name

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

All the weak; find their strength; at the sound of Your great name
Hungry souls; receive grace; at the sound of Your great name
The fatherless; they find their rest; at the sound of Your great name
Sick are healed; and the dead are raised; at the sound of Your great name

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

Redeemer, My Healer, Lord Almighty
My savior, Defender, You are My King

Jesus, Worthy is the Lamb that was slain for us, Son of God and Man
You are high and lifted up; and all the world will praise Your great name

Relay for Life 2011




Photos Top to Bottom:

The luminaria ceremony with the luminarias honoring and memorializing
cancer warriors spelling out HOPE!

Part of our team cheers and claps for my Dad and me as we complete the Survivor Lap.

Our Relay for Life 2011 team photograph.

My two local oncologists - on the left is my radiation oncologist and on the right is my local
hematologist/oncologist.
A couple of weeks ago our family participated in Relay for Life 2011. Our daughter Marissa worked diligently for the cause and our son-in-law Scott designed the orange (orange is the color for leukemia awareness) shirts for our team. We arrived home from RELAY FOR LIFE at 2 AM since we were scheduled to walk from 11 to midnight. I wonder how we drew that short straw. My Dad surprised me and he and my best friend (both cancer survivors) walked the Survivor Lap with me. The three of us who are cancer survivors wore the purple Survivor Shirts. The son-in-law with his hair spray painted orange is the designer of the shirts and our comic son-in-law. That is not his natural color!

Lil Man kept calling RELAY FOR LIFE "that thingy" . He thought "that thingy" was great fun - balloons, a track to run on, cupcakes, and all kinds of fun for kids. I thought how thankful I was that at his young age of two, his innocence protects him from the gravity of cancer.

RELAY FOR LIFE was held at a local university. The luminaria ceremony was inspiring, heart-wrenching, and hopeful - conflicting emotions all felt at the same time. Cancer patients' families and friends purchased luminaries that were printed with their messages. Some honored those survivors still fighting and others memorialized those who had lost their battle. These were placed around a track that circled the football field, illuminating the night skies. As we turned the third turn on the track, a row of 15 luminarias had my name and messages on them from families and friends. Thank you to all who donated in my honor. It was a memorable event for all of us.

Stronger

This Mandisa song, "Stronger" is a new favorite of mine. In the midst of unrelenting storms of life, we can be reassured that He remains in control and ever-present. To stay afloat, walking on water, our focus must remain on Christ and not on the storms that threaten to swallon us. Enjoy!


Hey, heard you were up all night
Thinking about how your world ain't right
And you wonder if things will ever get better
And you're asking why is it always raining on you
When all you want is just a little good news
Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hang your head
It's gonna end
God's right there
Even if it's hard to see Him
I promise you that He still cares

When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better

Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger
Believe me, this is gonna make you ...

Try and do the best you can
Hold on and let Him hold your hand
And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus
Oh, lift your head it's gonna end
God's right there
Even when you just can't feel Him
I promise you that He still cares
'Cause if He started this work in your life
He will be faithful to complete it
If only you believe it
He knows how much it hurts
And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this
When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever
In time it's gonna get better
Believe me
This is gonna make you stronger

To listen to this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3TPq8ZSvTk

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Food for Thought

"Whenever a man is ready to uncover his sins, God is always ready to cover them." - Unknown


"Pray as if everything depended on God, and work as if everything depended on man." - Francis J. Spellman


"Jesus can turn water into wine, but He can't turn your whining into anything." - Mark Steele
 
"Guilt is concerned with the past. Worry is concerned about the future. Contentment enjoys the present."
- Unknown


"I make it a rule of Christian duty never to go to a place where there is not room for my Master as well as myself." - John Newton


"Death is not a period but a comma in the story of life." - Amos J. Farver

Monday, April 4, 2011

The Best Medicine

I have a prescription for the best medicine for whatever ails you. This medicine relieves stress, brings laughter to enhance immunity, and makes the tiredest body jump out of the bed. I must warn you that insurance will not cover this medicine. And it is not accessible by everyone.

That medicine is the love and companionship of a grandchild. Lil Man and I have been together almost every week day since he was six weeks old and his Mommy had to return to her career. He is now almost two and one-half years old. What a journey this has been for me. When he naps in my arms, I stroke his curly hair and tell him that he will never know the life he has breathed into me. He will never know the laughter and joy he has given to me on days that otherwise would have been filled only with pain and suffering.

I know this will sound like a typical Grammy remark, but we stand in awe and amazement at what he says and does. In the words of Aunt "Tef" - "He has never been a Terrible Two - he is a Terrific Two!" I agree. Lil Man has a sense of humor that I have never witnessed in a two year old. His intelligence is impressive (even according to his doctor). And we have such fun together.

Everyday is a new adventure. When I pick him up in the mornings at his Mommy's office, he talks all the way home on our twenty minute drive. I told a friend that sometimes I develop "conversation fatigue" with Lil Man who knows how to chatter (that might be a genetic inheiritance from his Mother). He is really singing these days and those musical notes are precious to me. Having a grandson after three daughters has been an interesting experience. Today we took small pieces of lumber to tie on the top of his Crazy Coupe so that he could pretend he was driving home from the lumber yard. Basketball goals, T-Ball sets, four-wheelers and monster trucks have replaced the home once filled with enough Barbies to populate a small nation and girly girl clothes and trinkets.

I ask him, "How much does your Grammy love you?" And he replies, "A WHOLE BUNCH!" Then he tells me, "Grammy, me love you a whole bunch". Love of a grandchild is a unique bundle of emotions and joy that continually grows just like the child to whom that love is directed. I am grateful beyond words for living long enough to experience "Grammy-dom". I am just waiting to see if more little ones join our family and if so, how many will be added. I might have to buy a bigger vehicle if this daycare experiences a population explosion.

Love You, Lil Man!

Writer's Block Improving! An Update: April 4, 2011

I know, I know, I have been silent on the blog for over a month. A combination of a significant case of writer's block and just needing a leukemia vacation have contributed to the absence. So in the future, remember this fact: if I disappear from my blog, it usually means I am doing pretty well and just living life or I have kicked the bucket!

We are preparing for an upcoming trip to Ohio State to see my leukemia specialist. As my last post alluded, I was having significant drops in my counts and we scheduled the appointment to determine the cause of the declines. Marrow failure was in the forefront of our concerns. Amazingly, miraculously, my counts began improving through the later part of March. My hemoglobin reached 13.6 - higher than it even was at my diagnosis - almost fifteen years ago. GO BONE MARROW! That victory was short-lived because last week my counts declined again. The roller coaster ride has been relentless in 2011.

I believe the radiation was worth the risks. My lymphocytes (cancerous) always comprised about 98-99 percent of all of my white blood cells. That percentage is now running 40-50% which is a significant reduction in my tumor load.

I have officially made it over two months without ANY IV antibiotics. Of course, God deserves all the credit for this. I believe He has directed my steps down a path with many stops along the alternative medicine path. A combination of oil of oregano, olive leaf extract, grapeseed extract, elderberry and goldenseal seems to be eradicating infections via a natural pathway versus antibiotic overload. Praise God.

At last, my flu quarantine ended and I have spent the past week as free as a bird! I had been at home since Christmas Eve dinner and church services. The only exceptions being "vacations" to the hospital or the doctors' offices. Grocery shopping, receiving a hair cut and style, and running errands never had such broad appeal. I am free at last!

Another major praise is that my very wise family doctor recommended a supplement (backed with scientific research) for the long-standing, unbearable fatigue I have suffered with leukemia. I decided I would add it to my protocol and I have had an amazing few days with increased energy and stamina! Please pray this will continue as it the closest I have felt to "the old me" for a very long time. Heaven knows, as the nanny to my two year old grandson, energy is a premium commodity!

The heart monitor I wore for twenty-four hours in late March did not reveal any serious arrythmias to which we could attribute my heart palpitations. I am experimenting under the guidance of my family doctor with potassium and magnesium dose adjustments to see if the palpitations improve. There were periods of very low heart rates recorded on the monitor (down to 24 beats per minute) but I declined further testing. When God decides the old ticker should stop ticking, nothing will stop it. I am trusting Him.

Thank you for your continued prayers. I was reflecting the other day about the family, friends, churches and individuals who have literally prayed for me for almost fifteen years. Those are some faithful prayer intercessors, isn't it? I am humbled that the Holy Spirit has brought my needs to the remembrance of so many believers for so many years.

A New Favorite

Just in time for Easter, I discovered Casting Crowns' song Glorious Day. The lyrics replay over and over again in my mind and spirit. I am inspired and grateful for what my Savior has done for each of us - dying on a cross for the forgiveness of our sins.

Go to You Tube to listen: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXp6xcY5IqU .

The lyrics are:

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises


One day when sin was as black as could be

Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin

Dwelt among men, my example is He

Word became flesh and the light shined among us

His glory revealed

Living, He loved me

Dying, He saved me

Buried, He carried my sins far away

Rising, He justified freely forever

One day He’s coming

Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain

One day they nailed Him to die on a tree

Suffering anguish, despised and rejected

Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree

And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer

One day the stone rolled away from the door

Then He arose, over death He had conquered

Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore

Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him

From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming

One day the skies with His glories will shine

Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing

My Savior, Jesus, is mine