The dictionary is bursting with words that began with the letter "H". Many of these words are ones which I would love to have attached to myself. Words such as Healthy, Happy, Healed, and Hopeful. This week I had a head-on collision with an "H Word" that I rather would have averted. The encounter with this specific "H Word" sent a shiver down my spine and startled my spirit.
When my husband picked up some IV medication, earlier last week, there was a label attached to the sack in which the medicine was packed. That label read: "Stacie - HOSPICE". That is the "H Word" I have been detailing - HOSPICE.
For those of you unfamiliar with Hospice, it is supportive care that is given to people who enter their final phase of a terminal illness. The care no longer focuses on curing or treating the terminal disease, such as cancer, instead it provides supportive care to make the person comfortable.
With all of the turmoil and transitions in my medical care these past two weeks, I cannot say I was shocked to digest the possibility that my care was being shifted to Hospice. Nevertheless, I was terribly troubled by this consideration. On several attempts, I tried to muster the gumption to contact my trusted family physician to see what she knew about this transition. Each time I tried to e-mail or call her, my fortitude failed. I knew by making this one phone call or sending this one probing e-mail, this "H Word" could be verified as now being a part of my diagnosis and future.
As days passed, the Holy Spirit began to reassure me. God's Word overruled the fear that the "H Word" had deposited in my mind and heart. I returned to a place of peace, knowing that "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose". Slowly, methodically, God helped me to realize that the label, HOSPICE, that mortal man had attempted to stamp on my life, had no meaning to a God greater than any label or condition.
After all, I have gone a few years without treating and targeting the leukemia. Instead, I have been trusting and asking God for long life. My doctor has been providing supportive care -- immunoglobulin treatments to support my fractured immune system; Neupogen injections to support my bone marrow function; acupuncture to assist with my pain; the "anti's" (antibiotics, antivirals, and antifungals) to support me during time of infections; and alternative treatments that have assisted with sustaining my life in the presence of bone marrow infiltrated with 98 percent leukemia.
No matter the labels or the diagnoses that mortal man will attach to my life or my medical file, I am not going to die. Certainly, my fleshly tent of a body, will breathe a final breath one day, however, at that very second, I will begin living my eternal, healed life in Heaven. I shall not die but live!
In closing, I return to one of my favorite Scriptures:
2 Corinthians 4:16-18:
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal."
2 comments:
You are in my prayers, Stacie. You have always been the CLL patient I have most admired for your knowledge and motivation to continue living with so many obstacles that have come your way. You are certainly God's warrior! Your unwavering faith has also touched me deeply. Keeping you in prayer....Sue Shaffer
esmshaffer@att.net
Stacie,
My heart first plummeted as I read this post, and then, not surprisingly, hope surged as I finished the last paragraph (just before the 2 Corinthians scripture). The depth of your faith is inspiring and nothing short of astonishing. You are a teacher, a godly example, and a beacon of hope to those of us who struggle constantly to increase our own. Perhaps it would be good for us all to remember that no matter our age or condition, we need to recognize that life itself is a terminal condition and none but the Almighty knows the number of our days. I continue to pray that God's healing touch will strengthen your "earthly tent" so it will stand firm for years yet to come. May the love and prayers of family and friends surround and support you. In the midst of your battle you are truly an inspiration and blessing to all. God grant you strength, health, and continued peace.
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