Nothing Too Difficult

Preparations are nearly complete for my trip to the National Cancer Institute. I wish I could report that packing and preparing for this trip has had the excitement of a vacation. Such is not the case. I pack and ponder. I prepare and pray. I will leave and listen.

Making this next treatment decision ranks as one of the most difficult decisions I have ever been forced to make in my life. If I don’t treat the leukemia, chances are I will die. If I do treat the leukemia, there is a chance that I will die. If I don’t treat, it is anticipated that my quality of life will continue to decline. If I do treat, quality of life always takes a slap in the face.

The other night as I tossed and turned and sought God to grant me peace of my mind and spirit and clarity of mind to make this decision, the Holy Spirit continually kept reminding me, “Trust ME, Stacie. Trust Me, Stacie.” God has never forsaken me or misdirected my steps.

The Holy Spirit must help me to remove self from this decision. If I trust God (and I trust Him with my life), then He will impress upon my spirit the answer to my decision. Fear and doubt and confusion that are clouding my ability to contemplate this decision, are not of God. All of these are sin. Forgive me Lord. (“For my iniquities have gone over my head; like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me" (Psalm 38:4). Please pray with me that I will overcome these sinful roadblocks on my way to making the flawless decision. I cannot do this on my own. Apart from Him, I am nothing.

Today, this Scripture offered me a vivid reminder, “Solomon answered all her questions; there was nothing so difficult for the king that he could not explain it to her” (I Kings 10:3). My King will answer all my questions and there is nothing too difficult for the Holy Spirit to explain to me.

Making the best treatment choice is a weighty burden I have been bearing versus laying it at the foot of my Savior’s cross. That has been the hindrance. I am certain as I remove myself, my impressions, my research, and my contemplations from this process, the answer will become crystal clear.

“My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth” (Psalm 12:12).