Coping: God's Way

I read some informative tips presented by a physician on a cancer website. In his opinion, these tips offer ways in which the cancer patient can cope and maintain sanity on the cancer journey. However, as I reviewed them, I realized that many of the tips were very helpful while others were contradictory to God's Word. The tips are in standard font and my reflections are written in bold, italicized font.

"Make a list of blessing in your life on an index card - what you have to be thankful for. Read it often."

This is not a bad tip at all. In the Bible, God commanded His children to erect memorial stones to be a reminder to them of the great things He had done. Joshua 4 instructed the Israelites: "And these stones shall be for a memorial to the children of Israel forever.” During many difficult times, I have had to mentally construct my own Memorial Stone - a list of everything God has done for me in my lifetime.

Cancer does not take everything from you, even if the future is unsure.

True enough - cancer has taken a great deal from me, yet I am certain it cannot rob me of everything - my faith, my hope, my eternal destination, and my peace are a few of the untouchables that I will not allow the enemy to take from me. The enemy comes to "steal, kill and destroy" (John 10:10), but God is so much bigger. And our futures can be secure IF we have accepted Christ as our Savior. John 3:15 states: "Whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." It is settled, I believe in Him, have confessed my sins and my future is not unsure.

Your activities are as important as your thoughts.

I must disagree with this tip. Our thought life plays such an immense role in the cancer journey. Often times, in the midst of having negative reports spewed at me continually, I must return to those principles God asks us to meditate (think) upon. "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9).

Depression has a lot of trouble finding a moving target, it's outstanding at hitting a stationary one.

This statement is completely accurate. Being able to live life fully in the presence of a cancer diagnosis is a staggering challenge. Our flesh wants to fold and crumple to the floor and remain there. However, God, when asked, will give each of us the fortitude, courage, strength, and will to live life fully - engaged in social, cognitive, and physical activity. By His Words and the encouragement of the Holy Spirit, God has enabled me to remain a moving target - one that the enemy's fiery darts struggle to hit.

Crawling into an isolation hole is a huge risk. Try to avoid it.

Isolating ourselves makes us a prime target for the enemy to attack. He sees us isolated, without encouragement from others, and he sends his spirits of doubt, fear, negativity, and hopelessness. God is straight-forward to instruct us "do not forsake the assembling of ourselves together" (Hebrews 10:25). God is certain that our lives are enriched and enhanced when we have fellowship with family and friends. Stay out of that isolation hole!

Work on your bucket list.

The bucket list philosophy was made famous by the recent movie with the same title. I made a bucket list but achieving its goals proved to just add stress to my life. My Bucket List was just lofty thinking and dreaming, rather than being content with life as I have it today. Contentment ranks high in God's eyes. Philippians reminds us of these vital teachings of the Apostle Paul: "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content."

Update & Request for Prayer: November 4, 2009

I have been running a temperature since yesterday. I do not appear to have the other symptoms of H1N1, so I don't believe that is the cause of the fevers. Nevertheless, tomorrow I will return to the cancer center to be desensitized to yet another drug. This will take about 5 hours. Please pray that I do not have any serious reactions to the new drug and the the fevers will quickly resolve.

I cannot believe that I have not been able to shake these fungal and bacterial sinus/lung infections. I am closing in on one year of this battle. I am currently taking 4 antibiotics and 2 antifungals. I am taking these drugs in pill form, nasal spray form, and two of the drugs using intranasal washings. I pray another round of daily IV treatments is not looming for me.

I will consult with an ENT in Indianapolis on the 16th. I anticipate that he will want to perform an endoscopic examination to collect more samples for culturing.

My WBC has remained in the normal range, however, other counts such as my platelets have moved me back to Stage IV from Stage II. This leukemia is a very strange performer. How can I have a normal WBC yet be in Stage IV? Tomorrow, I will have additional labs drawn to be certain I am not neutropenic while experiencing fevers - not a good combination.

Please pray for our family as H1N1 has hit very close to home.

Powerful, Annointed Song

The words to the Kutless song, "What Faith Can Do" are powerful. They reflect my life and faith - God, through my faith in Him, has done so many amazing, miraculous things in my life. I could never begin to thank Him enough. "Impossible is not a word - it is just a reason for someone not to try" is one line of lyrics from this song - nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible for those who believe in the One, True, Almighty God. I pray that my faith will never be shaken, even in the most difficult of times and experiences.

Please take the time to read these lyrics and listen to the You Tube link.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

LINK TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQp75TsnpSA&NR=1

27 Years Ago Today

Today my husband and I celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary. Little did we know when we recited our wedding vows how much the "for richer, for poorer; for better, for worse; and in sickness and health" would apply to our life together. The years have not always been paved with an uncomplicated life, yet we have come through and remain married in a world of marriages disposed of by divorces. Happy Anniversary to my husband of 27 years!

Here's a throw-back to the 80's ..... one of our wedding photographs.

A Prayer for Today: October 29, 2009

Heavenly Father,

We thank you for yet another day with breath in our lungs and beating hearts. Everyday please remind us never to take life for granted. We rejoice at the presence of the Holy Spirit in our lives. He always comforts us when we have concerns; He always encourages our hearts when they are down-trodden; and He always directs our paths if we listen and are obedient.

Forgive us for stubbornness and when we fail You, Lord. Prompt our hearts to be quick to forgive and quick to repent when our mouths or lives are disobedient. Forgive us for beseeching You to answer our prayers with sin in our hearts. Purify our hearts, minds, mouths, and lives so that we will be able to approach Your throne with boldness. Mark 1:15 simply instructs us: “Repent and believe in the Gospel.” God’s Word is not meant to be complicated. If we believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior and repent as we make mistakes and sin, He is just to forgive.

Bless our families. We ask for super-natural protection from You, Lord, to defend us against the H1N1 flu. Continue to uphold families undergoing immense struggles. Walk closely with us. Bring healing, peace, provision, strength, and help to each one praying this prayer. Wrap Your loving arms around us, Father. May each person sense Your love and presence in his or her life.

May each of us carve out time for You in our daily schedules. Help us not to over-commit and rob ourselves of the blessings of time in Your Word and prayer. Your Word does not return avoid, however, we must open that Good Book, read Your God-breathed Words and obey.

I rejoice that You are my Savior. In Jesus’ Name I pray. AMEN.

Shades of Autumn

Our Forefathers Must Be Grieving

I consider the disarray that consumes our country and I know our forefathers would be grieving. Do you realize that almost every one of the 55 signers and writers of our Constitution were affiliated with some Christian denomination? Compare that to the rampant influx of atheists and God-hating politicians and leaders who are on a mission to remove God from America. What fools! God is omnipresent and mortal men and women cannot completely evict God from our country. They can make God-less decisions that will result in His wrath focused on America, yet He will still be on His throne.

Consider this 1892 ruling by the United States Supreme Court:

"Our laws and our institutions must necessarily be based upon and embody the teachings of the Redeemer of mankind. It is impossible that it should be otherwise; and in this sense and to this extent our civilization and our institutions are emphatically Christian."

Compare these God-inspired words to recent, God-less rulings in the US Supreme Court and policies considered in the Capitol: pro-abortion, the starvation of Terri Schiavo, anti-school prayer, anti-home schooling, and other ludicrous acts by legislators and Justices.

Patrick Henry orated:

“It cannot be emphasized too strongly that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity and freedom of worship here.”

How far our Great Nation has fallen from these core beliefs and values! In an interview after Hurricane Katrina, Anne Graham (daughter of Billy Graham) reflected:

“I believe God is deeply saddened by this (Katrina), just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?”

Humbling isn’t it? To consider the sacrifices our founding fathers made and the sacrifices of life that soldiers have made in defense of our country, I am saddened by the disarray of our country and angry at the God ignorers this country has become. May our leaders be convicted in spirit to do what is right in God’s eyes for the sake of our Nation. May God not remove Himself further from the aid of the United States as poor political decisions are implanted in all branches of our nation’s government.

Under the Harvest Moon

by Carl Sandburg

Under the harvest moon,
When the soft silver
Drips shimmering
Over the garden nights,
Death, the gray mocker,
Comes and whispers to you
As a beautiful friend
Who remembers.

Under the summer roses
When the flagrant crimson
Lurks in the dusk
Of the wild red leaves,
Love, with little hands,
Comes and touches you
With a thousand memories,
And asks you
Beautiful, unanswerable questions.

Do You Desire God's Protection?

Living in this dangerous world filled with threats of terrorism, crime and pandemic diseases, we must strive to obtain all of the protection from God that we can muster. We cannot defend ourselves against such ominous threats. And God does not want us to fear.

Tucked away in the book of Ezra 8, I uncovered this passage last night: “The hand of our God is upon all those for good who seek Him, but His power and His wrath are against all those who forsake Him.” So we fasted and entreated our God for this, and He answered our prayer.” When I read Scriptures like this, it reminds me of how important it is to feed my spirit on His Word (READ THE BIBLE!), be obedient and pray.

These words remind us that God’s protection and presence belong to all of us IF we seek Him. Psalm 91 is a favorite passage of Scripture about protection and deliverance. It also reminds us that all forms of protection belong to us IF we “abide in Him". Let’s review the definition of abide. What does it mean for us to abide in God? Abide’s meaning is “to live or reside in a place". We must be residing in prayer, study of the Bible, and welcoming the Holy Spirit into our lives IF we desire that type of protection. The definition states that abide means “to live”. We must live our lives immersed in the things of God. It does not state that abide means “just to visit once in awhile”. When we draw near to Him, He draws nearer and nearer to us.

The second portion of the Ezra passage cautions us that IF we forsake (to withdraw companionship, protection, or support from somebody, namely God) Him, “His power and wrath are against us”. Ouch. That is a warning that must not be ignored.

Once again, we discover how vital our decisions are to our lives. This is crucial for each individual to grasp. We must choose to serve our God, whole-heartedly, if we are to reap His multitude of rewards, protection and blessings.

The Dangers of Strife

Strife is defined in the dictionary as “bitter conflict or rivalry; bitter and sometimes violent conflict, struggle, or rivalry”. What the definition does not explain to us is the extreme negative impact that strife has on our relationship with God. Strife does not come from God. It is a destructive tool that the enemy uses to ignite hatred, unforgiveness, and conflict in families and churches alike.

It is vital for us as Christians to be able to quickly identify strife at work. Secondly, when conflict emerges, we must recognize that it is the enemy at work in a person’s life. Our responses should not be to rally to battle against the offender. In the heat of strife-filled relationships, we must pause, take a deep breath, recognize the enemy at work, maintain peace and control and wage the war in the spiritual realm with prayer.

Most arguments are about over-inflated topics. The Devil is the master of deception and he can cause our imaginations to run wild about a situation to the point of a hatred exchange of verbal hatred. 2 Timothy 2:23 instructs: “But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife." This is one of the first God-breathed instructions for eliminating strife. We must avoid confrontation in the first place. All too often a foolish instigator ignites strife. We must learn self-control so that we learn to manage our tongues.

James 1:26 teaches: “If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” Did you read that – USELESS – our belief system in God, our desires to see answered prayers – if we don’t learn to bridle our tongue, our pathway with God is blocked. I never want to think that my actions block my prayers. Yes, God always hears our prayers, yet in the presence of strife, unforgiveness and unbridled tongues, our answers may be delayed.

As a very young Christian many years ago, someone hurt me with very cutting words. Everything within me wanted to despise this person and never forgive her. Yet, I had a tiny baby girl who was struggling for her life and I knew I wanted no part of my prayers not being answered. So, only with help from God, I called and forgave that person. Immediate peace and freedom flooded my spirit. And we all know peace and freedom are valuable commodities in this world.

A visual description of strife is presented in Proverbs 17:14. It states: “The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.” Envision a dam with a tiny leak trickling through its walls. Repairs can quickly and easily be made IF the leak is stopped immediately. If the leak is ignored, the water leak erodes and a much larger hole of damage emerges. This Scripture compares such a leak to strife. If we quickly recognize the signs that a quarrel is about to explode, we MUST stop it before it starts.

I cannot imagine how angry the Devil becomes when his attempts to rip apart families or churches are thwarted. And nothing makes me any happier than to really tick off the Devil. Strife is like poison to relationship. May we vow today to go on a mission to lead lives of peace and not strife. Daily pray against strife. We must read what God’s Word says about strife and even write out the Scriptures. When we fully have revelation knowledge of how damaging strife is in our relationships, we will beg to change. May we destroy the poison of strife and lead lives rich in peace beginning today.

Romans 1 contains these words of wisdom about what happens when we don’t retain God’s instruction for our lives: “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.” What a list of what God will allow our lives to become filled with when we choose to ignore Him. Among this list of very foul attributes, you will note that strife is mixed in with murder. God takes strife seriously. May each of us strive for strife-free lives.

Back in the Chair

This morning, I returned to my infusion chair at the cancer center following a brief 4-week hiatus. I must admit after spending so many days here since June, that my body preferred to stay home, burrowed in my blankets. I am receiving IVIG today (all day treatment that supports my immune function).

I am a bit concerned as I was very confused when I awoke. My pills are always sorted out in one of those pill containers. Pills are sorted by day and meal. For the life of me, I could not determine which pills to take. I stood there looking at the pills, as forlorn and puzzled as if I was solving a trigonometry problem.

Finally, I thought I had the mystery unraveled and took my pills. Awhile later, I looked and I had taken Tuesday's lunch pills. Duh. There is a true phenomenon known as Chemo-Brain. I might be a victim of that! At least I arrived this morning with clothes on and didn't forget my laptop. The brain hasn't totally misfired.

Tomorrow I return to the Infectious Disease doctor in Indianapolis who is helping us to treat and diagnose these fungal and bacterial infections. I did not obey his order a couple of weeks ago to switch my antifungal. I did not have any peace in my spirit, so I assumed it was not in God's plan fir me. He wanted me to try Voriconzaole. It has many risks, hallucinations being one of them. I just couldn't picture myself watching Lil Man while hallucinating. Also, there are serious cardiac concerns with that medication. I hope he will not fire me as a patient for insubordination.

On November 9th, I return to see an ENT specialist in Indianapolis with the same hope of resolving these fungal infections since have been present since January. I am very blessed that they have not spread as that is the life-threatening risk these type of infections pose.

An Anniversary

Luke 18:27
But He said, “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.”

Although my husband and I will celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary later this month, I celebrated another anniversary today. One year ago today, I began my duties as Lil Man's Nanny. I reflect on the amazing strength and stamina God has given to me to equip me to fulfill these duties for my grandson.

When he was born, I was on oxygen 24/7. I have battled through infections too numerous to count in the past year. I underwent 11 weeks of chemotherapy this summer. Every month I received IVIG infusions. Many days I received IV antibiotics or antifungals and then left and picked up my precious Lil Man. I truly marvel at how I have managed to accomplish this task and to reach this one year celebration of being his Nanny.

Truly, if you cannot witness God's hand in all of this, you must be spiritually blind. His handiwork is all over this achievement. During this year of demanding days of picking up our grandson, caring for him for 8 hours and returning him to his Mommy's office, I have been told that I am "end stage leukemia". I have spent days in Intensive Care. Yet, God lifts me out of the bed each day. He awakens my eyes to yet another sunrise. He helps me to tolerate my pain as I tote around a 28 pound baby boy. God keeps my mind clear and my will to live strong as I strive to care for him as long as he and his parents need me.

May God continue to breathe life into my lungs so that Lil Man's Nanny will remain on duty for many more anniversaries to come.

A Prayer for Today: October 22, 2009

Gracious Father,

“Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised!” (Psalm 48:1). We will rejoice in good times and bad times. This praise is to be lifted from our hearts to praise God for Who He is and not for what God has done for us. Answers to prayers may take longer than we hope, yet we can be assured that His timing is perfect. Thank You, Father, for Your love and concern for each of us.

May we “pray without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17) for the many needs each of us possesses. We are battling a foe that is vile and determined to “kill, steal and destroy” from God's children. Yet, we remain highly optimistic that God has far greater plans for His children. Amos 5:6 instructs us: “Seek Me and live.” Let this be a reminder to each of us, that He is calling each of us to seek diligently after Him, in the pursuit of life – whether it be life on earth or life in eternity.

I hesitate to apply names to our needs as I cannot recall everyone and every family in need of a dire touch from Your Hand, Lord. Heal bodies. Provide for those in need. Repair broken families. Defeat addictions.

Psalm 68:20 reads: “…to God the Lord belongs escapes from death.” I have experiences so many of these escapes from death and I ask that as the enemy attempts to snatch our lives, that You, O God will continue to allow us to escape death until we have fulfilled the time on earth that has been assigned to us.

We love You and worship You, precious Father.
In Jesus’ Name I pray. AMEN.

Prayer Requests & Updates

Thank you for your prayers for our daughter, Stephanie. She received good reports at her cardiologist on Monday. God continues to have His hand upon her and her precious heart and lungs. She does not have pulmonary hypertension and some other valve concerns were not as concerning at this appointment. Thank you, Lord.

Today has been a challenge, needless to say. My doctor called me today to tell me that yesterday's CT Scan of my sinuses has worsened since the last CT Scan in September. This worsening is despite IV Micafungin, Amphotericin and Posaconazole antifungals, and two antibiotics. We are so perplexed and concerned. She mentioned concerns of a return of Pseudomonas - a very dangerous bacterial infection that almost killed me once before in 2007.

This evening, Kevin and I headed to the hospital so two more antibiotics could be added safely with medical personnel nearby in the event of reactions. We added oral Biaxin and Tobramycin inserted into the sinus cavities. Currently, I have two different medications requiring twice daily insertion directly into the sinuses. It is an uncomfortable procedure to do once a day. I do not look forward to doing this four times a day.

Thank you for praying.

Prayer Requests & Updates

Please pray for our daughter Stephanie tomorrow. As I posted earlier, she will consult with her adult congenital heart specialist. He is performing an echo on her with the latest equipment and technology. He has told her that he will perform this test and interpret the results himself, versus having a technician perform these tasks. Her appointment is at 2 PM (Eastern) and I ask that you pray for peace for Steph and her family, wisdom for the doctor, and encouraging reports. Again, we are grateful for your prayers.

I continue to have fevers and battle the fungal infections. I will have a CT Scan on Tuesday of this week. Next week, I will have my all day IVIG treatment on Monday and will return to Indianapolis to see my Infectious Disease Specialist on Tuesday. Prayers are welcome!

A Prayer for Today: October 15, 2009

Dear Lord,

We worship You, alone, Lord. Our hearts overflow with gratefulness for all that You do for us, but more importantly for Who You are to us. You are Savior, Deliverer, Healer, Redeemer, Provider, Comforter and so much more to those of us who know You as Lord and Savior. Thank You for the sacrifice that was made on Calvary on our behalf so that we might call You our Savior.

Forgive our doubting, pouting, complaining mouths and hearts, Lord. Life is difficult, so very difficult while we are here on earth. Yet, as Your children, saved by the blood of Jesus, we are guaranteed life eternal in Heaven, free from difficulties and heartache. Thank You for always forgiving us when we come to You and repent of our wayward deeds and words. This life will be nothing but a fleeting vapor when compared to the eternal longevity of Heaven for us. Let us not waste time focusing too much on the trials or the celebrations of this world.

In Jesus’ Name, I pray for complete turn arounds in the life events and health challenges of so many people. Touch each one stricken with cancer and heal their bodies. Eradicate the H1N1 flu from our communities and protect each of us from this dreaded virus. Provide for those who have lost jobs or other sources of income during this time of economic upheaval. Comfort those who are hurting, suffering and doubting. Encourage each of our lives to turn to You and to trust You with every detail of our lives.

In Jesus’ Precious Name I pray, AMEN.

Major Praise Report: October 14, 2009

I offer God all the praise tonight - my LDH level was normal, so the possibility of Richter's Transformation has greatly decreased for me.

Secondly, I just received an e-mail from my family physician - I have a NORMAL WBC (White Blood Count) of 8600. I am in awe of His greatness. I don't know that I have ever had a normal WBC in over 13 years! (You might recall that my WBC was nearly 170,000 when I began treatment in June.)

I saw my family doctor today - several more lymph nodes have enlarged. Since the LDH and WBC are normal, she is more inclined to believe the nodes are from the fungal infection.

We are in the process of juggling medications. She and I both have great concern over the recommendation to switch to the antifungal Voriconazole. It can cause some serious side effects, including cardiac side effects. And when combined with Cipro (which I take daily), the cardiac risks become moderate. She has recommended that we hold on the switch from Posaconazole to Voriconazole until the weekend. We reintroduced the Amphotericin tonight and will give it a few days to see if the temperature resolves and if the sinus/lung infections improve. If not, the Voriconazole will be added and Cipro subtracted. Then I will have to be desensitized to another antibiotic to replace the Cipro. Please pray that the infection and temperature will improve before the weekend. I have another fungal infection on my skin and began medication for that.

I am humbled at His mercy and His goodness that He extends to His children.

Thank you for your faithfulness in praying for this "end stage" leukemia patient - perhaps God still has other plans for me.

An Update & Request for Prayer: October 13, 2009

I just returned from my appointment with my Infectious Disease specialist in Indianapolis. He believes I still have an active fungal infection. My temperature was 99.5 when I was checked today (my normal temperature is around 97.5). I told him that Sunday evening I began with some greenish sinus drainage and that has continued through today. I have a minor, dry cough and continued fatigue and pain.

I had discontinued the Amphotericin intranasal washes on Friday after 3 weeks. He recommended that I resume that for an additional two weeks. He also wants to swap out Posaconazole for Voriconazole (V-FEND). This is another very expensive medication that requires special insurance authorization.

I ran a drug interaction check on this with my other drugs. I know there are some warnings with Voriconazole and they are numerous (cardiac and hematological - serious concerns). Also, it said that combining Cipro with Voriconazole increases these cardiac risks. And Voriconazole increases the level of steroids (which I take daily).

If we decide to move forward with Voriconazole, we will have to set outside of the ER and take the first dose as they do not want me in the hospital for desensitization or to observe for allergic reactions, yet I need to be nearby medical assistance. I am looking at the two fungal sensitivities that I have received thus far - Voriconazole is the number one choice on one of the sensitivities. However, on the other sensitivity report, Voriconazole is the worst choice but Posaconazole (that I am taking) has activity against the infection. Perhaps flipping a coin to select the drug would be a good plan.

He also recommended another sinus CT after 1 week of Voriconazole. Then a return visit with him in 2 weeks. I believe he is quite concerned and I was upset knowing despite our best efforts - oral, IV and intranasal antifungals - that I remain with an infection and temperature. He felt all of the enlarged nodes that have emerged and I told him that tomorrow we are checking an LDH level to exclude Richter's transformation - he said an ongoing fungal infection could be contributing to the enlarging lymph nodes and spleen.

I ordered and received an herbal antifungal formula that I am going to try. I figure it cannot hurt anything. Please pray for my doctors to have clear guidance regarding the medication choices. I have fought fungal infections since late February. Thank you for your continued prayers!

October

by Robert Frost

O hushed October morning mild,
Thy leaves have ripened to the fall;
Tomorrow's wind, if it be wild,
Should waste them all.
The crows above the forest call;
Tomorrow they may form and go.
O hushed October morning mild,
Begin the hours of this day slow.
Make the day seem to us less brief.
Hearts not averse to being beguiled,
Beguile us in the way you know.
Release one leaf at break of day;
At noon release another leaf;
One from our trees, one far away.
Retard the sun with gentle mist;
Enchant the land with amethyst.
Slow, slow!
For the grapes' sake, if the were all,
Whose leaves already are burnt with frost,
Whose clustered fruit must else be lost--
For the grapes' sake along the all.

Prayer Requests: October 11, 2009

I ask for prayer for our oldest daughter. She is our twin who was born with a congenital heart defect. She is seeing one of the best congenital heart experts on Monday. A test earlier this summer showed increased pressure in her pulmonary vessel - the concern being that the hole in her heart could be causing increased pulmonary *lung) pressures. Sometimes this is indicative of pulmonary hypertension - a very serious disorder. She is only 25 years old.

Please agree with our family that nothing more serious than the existing hole in her heart (that she has tolerated quite well since birth with the exception of one period of heart failure)will be revealed on Monday. I would love to live to see the day when her heart is healed completely.

She is a cardiac nurse and helps others with heart problems as her life mission. She is a fighter and has been since she was born as a tiny, three pound baby. This is evidenced by the e-mail she sent me today. She and her husband have been in Aspen, Colorado this week on vacation. She sent me a picture of her on one of the mountains with this note:

"Don't tell me I have a bad heart...I'll just hike from 10,000 ft to 14,000 ft on the top of Aspen Mountain in 40 degrees to prove everyone wrong! " :) That's my quote and I'm stickin' to it!

Love, Stephie

PS-I got as close to the edge as I could in this pic. I wanted to stand on that little rock behind me but it was a bit wobbly and almost 3 miles up would have been a long fall. :) Hehe!

I tend to believe that at those elevations, a heart and lung with much of a strain on them could not be hiking and doing so well. I have prayed for this heart for over a quarter of a century and I will not cease now.

Also, my 86 year old grandma is in the hospital with pneumonia and some cardiac concerns. She is my only living grandparent. Please pray for her quick, complete recovery.

We are trusting God.