Update & Request for Prayer: June 15, 2010

I am sorry that I have not updated the Blog sooner. I am quite sick and very weak, still struggling to overcome these infections and recent set-backs. I was finally discharged from ICU late Sunday night. Sunday was a nightmarish day. I received all three of the IV antifungals and antibiotics, one after the other and then had to be desensitized to yet another antibiotic that I would go home with (oral). This desensitization used the IV version of the drug first and it was toxic to veins. I received 13 doses of this harsh IV medication- varying in quantity and strength (since I was desensitizing). The drug felt like fire creeping down the inside of my already tired veins. I curled up in the bed, tears in my eyes, holding my arms, to no avail. I prayed for God to pass each minute on the clock as quickly as possible. My nurse tried to wrap my arms/veins in warm wraps and that didn't help either. Finally, the long five or six hours of this ended and we realized then that the drug had infiltrated into the deep tissues of my right wrist/lower arm. This area was swollen and very red but is improving today.

As I had mentioned in the last post, many of my counts have just gone out of control. Further proof that the human body is not to be infiltrated with this many powerful drugs at once (if ever). My potassium level was approaching dangerous levels late Sunday and if it had not improved yesterday, I was facing a re-admission to the hospital to begin treatments to lower the potassium. Thank You, Lord, for helping to lower the potassium. It had improved yesterday and will be rechecked tomorrow.

Leaving ICU Sunday night proved to be a deep, personal challenge for me. It is my own personal policy, that I always walk myself into a hospital and I always walk myself out of a hospital (never accepting the customary wheelchair ride out of ICU). This was the first time ever that I could not make my usual, slow walk to the outside world from ICU. I simply could not do it. My legs were and are like jelly. The strength I lost from being in bed 24/7 for one week is staggering. This may seem insignificant to others, but it was a stab in the heart to me. This simple defeat translated to me that I was losing the battle.

Sunday night, we returned home and after not being home long, I went to put on some pajamas and crawl into my own, soft bed. Evidently, I must have blacked out for a moment and fallen, because Kevin found me laying on the floor. My blood pressure and heart rate had been very low and slow all day Sunday, so I assume that was what happened to me.

I had to be awake at 7 AM yesterday and my Dad and Mom took me to the oncologists' office for my first of fourteen IV treatments of the antifungal. After ten attempts in the wee hours of Sunday morning in ICU to locate a vein and start a new IV, the nursing supervisor told the staff not to stick me anymore (after all, we had tried IV's in my hands, arms, shoulders, legs and feet).

I realized yesterday that I was losing vein access and without vein access, I cannot receive the medicine that I require. After yesterday's IV, I contacted my Infectious Disease doctor in Indianapolis to ponder the feasibility of having a PICC line inserted for the remaining IV's. He agreed and made those arrangements for me and I will have that installed tomorrow afternoon (more on that later - my most important prayer request tonight).

Today, Dad and Mom took me for another IV treatment and I made arrangements with insurance for tomorrow's PICC installation and this weekend and next weekend's IV's since I will have to return to the hospital for those. Unless one has walked in these shoes, no one can even imagine what it is like to be this ill, trying to coordinate all of this care, appointments, medicines, insurance requirements, and other logistics just to make it all happen. Thank God, I have always been an organized, determined overachieving type personality. :-)

Tomorrow, I will receive the PICC line at 2 PM (ET) in Indianapolis. They are going to insert this into the deep veins of my bicep area and then thread the catheter up the vein into my chest and into the main vein above my heart. This will be performed in a cardiac catheter lab and they are using ultrasound guidance instead of contrast dye (due to my dye allergies). Due to my multiple drug reactions, I have asked not to be sedated. So, please pray for God's peace and comfort to be mine as I undergo this procedure. I should be done in around an hour they told me.

Secondly, please pray that there will be no complications for me. My platelets run low due to the leukemia, so I am asking for there to be no bleeding or other vascular complications. Lastly, please pray that every medical personnel will pay particular attention to every detail that could help this PICC line to be as sterile as possible. We all realize that the risk of an infection entering my bloodstream through this line is a very serious possibility. Please pray that I can make it through these next 2-3 weeks with no infections in the PICC line until it can be removed. It will be used for all of my IV's and blood draws. My IVIG treatment is a blood treatment and can also be used through the PICC, so I will use the PICC for this treatment on June 30th and then I will returned for its removal probably before the July 4th weekend.

Tonight, as my body struggles against infections and leukemia, I am very, very tired and weak. I can only turn to His Word:

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Weakness. My body and mind and spirit are tired like never before. This Scripture assures my heart tonight that His strength is going to be made perfect in these very circumstances. His grace is sufficient. I know I cannot, in my own physical strength and courage, survive this. No way, no how. I will step slowly, hour by hour, day by day and keep trusting Him each step of the way. When I don't have any human strength remaining, I trust that the strength of the Holy Spirit will infuse my body.

One word for strength that we sometimes read in Scripture is dunamis - and can be translated "God's miracle working power". That is precisely what I ask for tonight - His miracle working power - His strength to revitalize and reinfuse my failing body with life and health and courage to make it through another setback.