I'm Weary

When I contemplate adjectives that best describe my life as I step into another year with leukemia as my cohort, “weary” comes to mind. Weary is defined as “tired; run out of strength, patience or endurance; and exhausted”. Do those words ever illustrate my life right now!

My physical body is tired of over thirteen years with tests and needles, medicines and pain. I long for a day that is free of pain. My mind is tired of researching treatment options and late-breaking research on leukemia. I am tired. Very, very tired.

I am certain that God has compassion on me when He looks from the Heavenlies and sees my weary mind, body and soul. In Matthew 9, when he saw the multitudes, we are told, “…He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary …..” That offers me some comfort and solace. He knows. He sees. He understands.

And while the knowledge that God is aware of my weariness is comforting, I know deep in my heart, that I must continue to battle weariness lest it overwhelm and hijack my life. Galatians 6:9 reminds me: “Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” The reality being that when we are weary and running out of the oomph that life demands, we benefit by focusing on doing good for others. It distracts us from our own pain and suffering. And if we do not “lose heart”, we are going to be blessed for our efforts to look after the needs of others.

I believe this is part of the reason that Lil Man has been such a blessing to me. It would be far easier to lay in bed everyday with the pain and exhaustion my body battles each day. Nevertheless, by pulling myself up and chasing after my precious grandson, I am blessed. He is blessed to be watched by family who dearly love him while his Mommy is at work. I am blessed by the distractions he provides for me against pain and leukemia. I must continue to battle this weariness. I do not want it to overcome my life and purpose. I must not lose heart. Lil Man is counting on his Grammy!